sleep has restored my mind into its near-to-normal state.

over the years, ive learned to weigh things down. ive learned to choose which ones to keep, which ones to fight for, which ones to hold on to, and which ones to let go. most of the time, i made the right decisions, but there were times when i just had to blame myself for making such a stupid decision, realizing long after letting go that what i had given up was what made me happy after all. moving on is the hardest part, especially when you know that soemthing better couldve happened if only you werent so stupid.

right now, im at the point of my life where i once again have to choose between happiness and sanity. im not sure if im willing to give up that something that means so much to me right now. yes, it's the biggest thing that makes me happy, but its vague, malabo and its out of my reach. i cant go on just living and hoping cause it would only drive me crazy, but i cant just simply let go of it cause it would mean my happiness and the thought of 'what if?' would haunt me forever. but on the otherhand, a part of me is also scared of what the future brings. what if this all ends up in a tragic failure? what if ive been hoping for something non existent after all? with all the emotional turmoil ive been going through these days, i dont think id be able to handle another heartache. but then again, what if this was that 'something' ive been dreaming of all these years?

i dont want to be waiting for nothing.
i dont want to give up on something not knowing its actually what ive been dreaming of.
i dont want to make another stupid mistake.