Sunday, July 31, 2005
sometimes i wish you never existed
a lot of changes has happened during the past few days..or weeks...
ive been sleepless..busy..tired..depressed...confused...and irritable.
some say ive been acting weird lately...
im aware of that..
im working on it...
ive been thinking about it..
give me a few more days...
ive been sleepless..busy..tired..depressed...confused...and irritable.
some say ive been acting weird lately...
im aware of that..
im working on it...
ive been thinking about it..
give me a few more days...
Thursday, July 21, 2005
and it all boils down to these two..
VS. 
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
thru sickness and in health
a lot of people have been suffering from flu lately. Jaypeth, my classmate, has been admitted yesterday due to recurring fever since monday of last week. Fiona, a friend of mine was also brought to the hospital yesterday due to the same reason but was not admitted kasi ayaw nya. fighter eh. hehe
ako naman ngayon, sinisipon at sumasakit ang ulo pero nakaharap pa rin sa kompytur. tigas ng ulo eh no. hehe dalawa lang ang pinagdududahan kong pinanggalingan ng sakit na to: either nahawa ako sa mga kaibigan ko o dahil sa stress. nax. stress. kasi naman, kahapon, halos 12 hours kami sa school. well, not literally "in school" pero considered school na rin yung duty and retreat.
yestrerday, duty day namain sa mental hospital from 7-11. Nag-art therapy kami sa mga pasyente. we made a heart shapes out of sand paper tas nilagyan namin ng crepe paper ang edges. then we provided them crayons and asked them to draw something or someone that was most important to them. there were about 15-20 patients out of 53 who participated. yung iba, hindi kasi pinalabas sa cells nila kasi they were not acting "well" yesterday. yung iba rin, ayaw magparticipate kasi naaliw sa ulan so instead of joining the activity, they prefered to play under the rain. but it was ok, di naman namin sila pinipilit, therapy nga dba?
so yun, most of them drew pictures of their families kasi miss na daw nila ang pamilya nila. some of them drew thier favorite food, while some just drew anything that crossed their minds and did not bother to explain thier drawing. again, di rin namin sila pinilit na magexplain kasi baka may special meaning talaga yun na ayaw nilang ipaalam or something.
at about 10:30, we headed back to school na so that we could dismiss early para lunchbreak coz we had to be back in school before 12:30 para sa senior's retreat kasi the college hired transportations to take the students to the retreat site. pag late daw kami, baka maiwanan daw kami.
so i went back to school before 12:30, kala ko late nako, but when i got there, konti pa pala ang mga tao. as usual, were never on time.
the retreat was held in the cover courts of a tennis country club. i couldnt figure out why of all the places, yun pa napili nila. na-pa-ka-far-out.anyway, the retreat's theme was self-awareness, as usual, may sharing na nman. most of the questions were similar to the self-awareness test we had last month. we were asked to trace our favorite hand, then on each finger, we were told to draw a symbol of the most important person, the word that best describes you, a symbol of something that has made you grow as a person, something that distracts ur growth as a person and God's greatest gift to you.
so after nung sharing, may team buliding games na naman, as always. we ended up at around six. then after the retreat, my parents fethced my bro and i dun sa club na mismo kasi we had to go to church pa. sa sunday kami usually nagsisimba kaso, may nutri-fit walk bukas ng 5:30 a.m so we decided to go to church on saturday nlang.
so i got home at about 8, ate my dinner and went straight to sleep.
woke up at 5 a.m this morning kasi before 5:30 yung assembly. i had to be there on time kasi i was the secretary at ako yung nagchecheck ng attendance ng mga gago. ako yung 2nd na dumating sa class namin. yung iba, halos 6am na dumating. pero di ko na nilagyan ng late, di nama ako kj eh. the parade ended up at around 8am, so pagdating sa park, nagsiuwian na kami kahit na may program pa sana. ang dami namanng sumali e, di rin nila mapapansin na wala na kami. pagdating ko sa bahay, tulog ulit ako til noon. haaayy, sleep debt.
ako naman ngayon, sinisipon at sumasakit ang ulo pero nakaharap pa rin sa kompytur. tigas ng ulo eh no. hehe dalawa lang ang pinagdududahan kong pinanggalingan ng sakit na to: either nahawa ako sa mga kaibigan ko o dahil sa stress. nax. stress. kasi naman, kahapon, halos 12 hours kami sa school. well, not literally "in school" pero considered school na rin yung duty and retreat.
yestrerday, duty day namain sa mental hospital from 7-11. Nag-art therapy kami sa mga pasyente. we made a heart shapes out of sand paper tas nilagyan namin ng crepe paper ang edges. then we provided them crayons and asked them to draw something or someone that was most important to them. there were about 15-20 patients out of 53 who participated. yung iba, hindi kasi pinalabas sa cells nila kasi they were not acting "well" yesterday. yung iba rin, ayaw magparticipate kasi naaliw sa ulan so instead of joining the activity, they prefered to play under the rain. but it was ok, di naman namin sila pinipilit, therapy nga dba?
so yun, most of them drew pictures of their families kasi miss na daw nila ang pamilya nila. some of them drew thier favorite food, while some just drew anything that crossed their minds and did not bother to explain thier drawing. again, di rin namin sila pinilit na magexplain kasi baka may special meaning talaga yun na ayaw nilang ipaalam or something.
at about 10:30, we headed back to school na so that we could dismiss early para lunchbreak coz we had to be back in school before 12:30 para sa senior's retreat kasi the college hired transportations to take the students to the retreat site. pag late daw kami, baka maiwanan daw kami.
so i went back to school before 12:30, kala ko late nako, but when i got there, konti pa pala ang mga tao. as usual, were never on time.
the retreat was held in the cover courts of a tennis country club. i couldnt figure out why of all the places, yun pa napili nila. na-pa-ka-far-out.anyway, the retreat's theme was self-awareness, as usual, may sharing na nman. most of the questions were similar to the self-awareness test we had last month. we were asked to trace our favorite hand, then on each finger, we were told to draw a symbol of the most important person, the word that best describes you, a symbol of something that has made you grow as a person, something that distracts ur growth as a person and God's greatest gift to you.
so after nung sharing, may team buliding games na naman, as always. we ended up at around six. then after the retreat, my parents fethced my bro and i dun sa club na mismo kasi we had to go to church pa. sa sunday kami usually nagsisimba kaso, may nutri-fit walk bukas ng 5:30 a.m so we decided to go to church on saturday nlang.
so i got home at about 8, ate my dinner and went straight to sleep.
woke up at 5 a.m this morning kasi before 5:30 yung assembly. i had to be there on time kasi i was the secretary at ako yung nagchecheck ng attendance ng mga gago. ako yung 2nd na dumating sa class namin. yung iba, halos 6am na dumating. pero di ko na nilagyan ng late, di nama ako kj eh. the parade ended up at around 8am, so pagdating sa park, nagsiuwian na kami kahit na may program pa sana. ang dami namanng sumali e, di rin nila mapapansin na wala na kami. pagdating ko sa bahay, tulog ulit ako til noon. haaayy, sleep debt.
nothing sensible to share. gusto ko lang talaga magtype, although inaantok na ko.
nag exam kami kanina. as usual, di na nman ako nagaral kagabi. whats new. i believe in the powers of cramming. i know its bad and i know it doesnt serve me well, pero ano magagawa ko, last resort eh. kahit may buong araw ako para magaral, hindi talaga papasok sa utak ko yung lessons pag di pa 1 hour before the exam. dont ask me why, ganun lang talaga. maybe its because pag nagaral ako the night before, may tendency akong makalimutan ang lahat na pinagaralan ko, lalo na pag objective. okay lang sana kung essay type yung exams kasi pwede pako magisip at magpalusot, pero pag objective, nagmemental block ako. i have such bad memory when it comes to school related information. i know cramming is a bad study habit but this is what keeps me kicking in college.
---------------
i have this friend who was paired up with a classmate for our paperwork requirements in NCM. lately, 'friend' has been complaining that 'classmate' is so bossy. ok, bossy is not the exact word, sabi niya, "napakadominante niya". 'classmate' asks 'friend' suggestions about thier paperworks, but in the end, it's 'classmates's' ideas that gets implemented. so lumalabas, parang walang silbi si 'friend'. lumalabas tuloy, parang useless at irrelevant ang mga suggestions at ideas ni 'friend'. di rin makareklamo si 'friend' kasi baka daw magoverreact si 'classmate'. earlier tonight, 'friend' and i were talking about a requirement that was due this wednesday. i told her that partner and i havnt started making our paper pa. 'friend' told me that theyve started making half of their paper na. 'friend' told me that 'classmate' wanted to finish the paper tonight but 'friend' is too tired to do it tonight kasi kagagaling pa lang namin sa exam and 'friend' has been very stressed lately due to the additional errands that the student government is assigning her. gusto sana ni 'friend' magpahinga muna tonight, abyway, wednesday pa naman ang deadline and besides, natapos na nila ang kalahati. so 'friend' was telling me that she was gonna tell 'classmate' na di muna sila magtatrabaho tonight. after a few minutes, 'classmate' arrives and talks to 'friend' about their paper. as usual, 'classmate' TELLS 'friend' that they should meet tonight para matapos na nila ang other half. and all 'friend' could say was "o sige....." ako naman, pilit pinipigilan ang pagtawa. bakit kasi di makapagsalita si 'friend' pag si 'classmate' na ang kaharap? i must admit, medyo may pagkadominante nga si 'classmate' at minsan, parang bossy nga ang dating niya. pero sana naman, hindi nagpapaapi si 'friend' noh, pareho din silang students. at sana naman, maging sensitive si 'classmate'. maybe i'll tell 'classmate' about that one of these days, pag napuno ako. hihi. anyway, nung pauwi ako, hiniram ko yung fone ni friend at tinext ang "bakit di mo masabing 'tomorrow nalang'?" binalik ko sa kanya yung fone at umalis ako. when i was on my way home, nagtext si 'friend' at sinabing takot lang daw siyang magoverreact si 'classmate'. hahay..kawawang 'friend'...
-----
nga pala, i was invited to join the Art Committee for the Creative Pool sa department namin. nax. napakaflattering. si mark, ang chairman ng comittee at classmate ko, ang nag invite sakin. we were canvasing latex paints for the art therapy of our mental patients when he suddenly remembered that his committee lacked members. parang bigla nalang niyang sinabing 'uy, join ka sa committee ko". although napakainformal ng invitation, flattered pa rin ako. biruin mo, si mark, ang dakilang painter, ininvite ako. eh hindi naman ako artist, wala nga akong maipagmamalaking artwork eh. akala lang niya siguro artist ako kasi napansin niya yung handpainted t-shirt kong sinuot nung first day of classes. eh hello? parang straight lines lang yun noh. kahit grade school yata kayang gawin yun. kaso, naintriga siya dun kasi di niya akalaing pwede palang gamitin manually ang silk screen paints. dont get me wrong, hindi naman ignorante si mark, its just that he's more inclined to canvas painting than fabric painting. tipong pang masterpeice kasi yung trip niya. ako naman, pang mga-taong-walang-magawa ang hirit ko. kung anu-ano napagtitripan. minsan poster paints, minsan pastels at ngayon naman, fabric paints. pero niisa, wala akong maipagmamalaki kasi lahat trial n error pa lang. pagnasubukan ko na, parang nawawalan nako ng ganang ulitin. apathetic me.
anyway, excited na sana akong sumali, binigyan na niya ko ng student's form para sa member's file nila. fifill-upan ko na sana nung sinabi niyang nagpaplano siyang magtayo ng exhibit next month at yung mga art wroks ng members yung ididisplay niya. bigla akong nag "WHAAAATTT???" sabi niya, di naman talaga kailangang formal ang art works, kahit sketches or mga drafts lang daw, ok lang. kahita ano daw basta gawa namin ok na. tapos sinabi pa nung isang member niya na may nagawa daw siyang stained glass na art work. tatlo. tas dinescribe niya kung pano ginawa yubng stained glass. habang nagsasalita siya, feel ko parang lumiliit ako. naisip ko tuloy, di ako bagay sa grupong ito. ano ba mapapala nila sakin? wala! ano ba maitutulong ko sa kanila? wala! kaya tuloy, hanggang ngayon, di ko pa nafifill-upan yung member's profile ko. nagdadalawang isip pa ko kung willing ba talaga akong magpakapal ng mukha at sumali sa Art Committee kahit wala naman talaga akong talent sa art.
nag exam kami kanina. as usual, di na nman ako nagaral kagabi. whats new. i believe in the powers of cramming. i know its bad and i know it doesnt serve me well, pero ano magagawa ko, last resort eh. kahit may buong araw ako para magaral, hindi talaga papasok sa utak ko yung lessons pag di pa 1 hour before the exam. dont ask me why, ganun lang talaga. maybe its because pag nagaral ako the night before, may tendency akong makalimutan ang lahat na pinagaralan ko, lalo na pag objective. okay lang sana kung essay type yung exams kasi pwede pako magisip at magpalusot, pero pag objective, nagmemental block ako. i have such bad memory when it comes to school related information. i know cramming is a bad study habit but this is what keeps me kicking in college.
---------------
i have this friend who was paired up with a classmate for our paperwork requirements in NCM. lately, 'friend' has been complaining that 'classmate' is so bossy. ok, bossy is not the exact word, sabi niya, "napakadominante niya". 'classmate' asks 'friend' suggestions about thier paperworks, but in the end, it's 'classmates's' ideas that gets implemented. so lumalabas, parang walang silbi si 'friend'. lumalabas tuloy, parang useless at irrelevant ang mga suggestions at ideas ni 'friend'. di rin makareklamo si 'friend' kasi baka daw magoverreact si 'classmate'. earlier tonight, 'friend' and i were talking about a requirement that was due this wednesday. i told her that partner and i havnt started making our paper pa. 'friend' told me that theyve started making half of their paper na. 'friend' told me that 'classmate' wanted to finish the paper tonight but 'friend' is too tired to do it tonight kasi kagagaling pa lang namin sa exam and 'friend' has been very stressed lately due to the additional errands that the student government is assigning her. gusto sana ni 'friend' magpahinga muna tonight, abyway, wednesday pa naman ang deadline and besides, natapos na nila ang kalahati. so 'friend' was telling me that she was gonna tell 'classmate' na di muna sila magtatrabaho tonight. after a few minutes, 'classmate' arrives and talks to 'friend' about their paper. as usual, 'classmate' TELLS 'friend' that they should meet tonight para matapos na nila ang other half. and all 'friend' could say was "o sige....." ako naman, pilit pinipigilan ang pagtawa. bakit kasi di makapagsalita si 'friend' pag si 'classmate' na ang kaharap? i must admit, medyo may pagkadominante nga si 'classmate' at minsan, parang bossy nga ang dating niya. pero sana naman, hindi nagpapaapi si 'friend' noh, pareho din silang students. at sana naman, maging sensitive si 'classmate'. maybe i'll tell 'classmate' about that one of these days, pag napuno ako. hihi. anyway, nung pauwi ako, hiniram ko yung fone ni friend at tinext ang "bakit di mo masabing 'tomorrow nalang'?" binalik ko sa kanya yung fone at umalis ako. when i was on my way home, nagtext si 'friend' at sinabing takot lang daw siyang magoverreact si 'classmate'. hahay..kawawang 'friend'...
-----
nga pala, i was invited to join the Art Committee for the Creative Pool sa department namin. nax. napakaflattering. si mark, ang chairman ng comittee at classmate ko, ang nag invite sakin. we were canvasing latex paints for the art therapy of our mental patients when he suddenly remembered that his committee lacked members. parang bigla nalang niyang sinabing 'uy, join ka sa committee ko". although napakainformal ng invitation, flattered pa rin ako. biruin mo, si mark, ang dakilang painter, ininvite ako. eh hindi naman ako artist, wala nga akong maipagmamalaking artwork eh. akala lang niya siguro artist ako kasi napansin niya yung handpainted t-shirt kong sinuot nung first day of classes. eh hello? parang straight lines lang yun noh. kahit grade school yata kayang gawin yun. kaso, naintriga siya dun kasi di niya akalaing pwede palang gamitin manually ang silk screen paints. dont get me wrong, hindi naman ignorante si mark, its just that he's more inclined to canvas painting than fabric painting. tipong pang masterpeice kasi yung trip niya. ako naman, pang mga-taong-walang-magawa ang hirit ko. kung anu-ano napagtitripan. minsan poster paints, minsan pastels at ngayon naman, fabric paints. pero niisa, wala akong maipagmamalaki kasi lahat trial n error pa lang. pagnasubukan ko na, parang nawawalan nako ng ganang ulitin. apathetic me.
anyway, excited na sana akong sumali, binigyan na niya ko ng student's form para sa member's file nila. fifill-upan ko na sana nung sinabi niyang nagpaplano siyang magtayo ng exhibit next month at yung mga art wroks ng members yung ididisplay niya. bigla akong nag "WHAAAATTT???" sabi niya, di naman talaga kailangang formal ang art works, kahit sketches or mga drafts lang daw, ok lang. kahita ano daw basta gawa namin ok na. tapos sinabi pa nung isang member niya na may nagawa daw siyang stained glass na art work. tatlo. tas dinescribe niya kung pano ginawa yubng stained glass. habang nagsasalita siya, feel ko parang lumiliit ako. naisip ko tuloy, di ako bagay sa grupong ito. ano ba mapapala nila sakin? wala! ano ba maitutulong ko sa kanila? wala! kaya tuloy, hanggang ngayon, di ko pa nafifill-upan yung member's profile ko. nagdadalawang isip pa ko kung willing ba talaga akong magpakapal ng mukha at sumali sa Art Committee kahit wala naman talaga akong talent sa art.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
i am in a very very serious dilemma. earlier this evening, i finally told my dad that im planning to buy a new fone. buti nanlang he was in such a good mood at pumayag naman siya. nabigla siya sa *news* ko but i guess narealize rin naman niya na medyo matagal-tagal na rin akong nka3650 and its about time na palitan na rin to. hehe besides, ive been a gud student rin naman, as atested by my adviser this morning during the parent's meeting this morning. (oo, ganyan ang college namin. parang elementary na may PTA meeting. imagine parents having a one on one conference with the adviser about the student's performance. ganun kami. parang mga bata.)anyway, nung narealize niyang seryoso talaga ako sa sinasabi ko, pumayag na rin siya. he asked me kung anong fone bibilhin ko and a couple more questions about it. then, he asked me kung bakit di nalang daw PDA ang bilhin ko? marami na rin naman daw ang gumagamit nun sa skul. oo nga noh, pwede rin kaso 20thou lang budget ko. if bibili ako ng PDA na mura, baka di rin maganda ang performance. so medyo di ko na kinoconsider yun as of now. but my options are still open, baka mag iba isip ko in da future.
set na sana yung mind ko kanina bout 3230, kaso, whe i showed him the latest issue of T3 magazine kung saan nkafeature yung 3230, nakita rin namin yung 6260. he told me na mas smart daw tingnan yung flip phones. sabi ko nman, yun talaga sana plano kong bilhin kaso ayaw pumayag ni mommy kasi madali raw masira yung may hinges. sabi niya naman, "madali ka naman magsawa e. by the time masira yan, nagsawa ka na for sure." may point rin siya.
kaya ngayon, nalilito na tuloy ako. before lumabas yung 3230, 6260 talaga dream phone ko kaso, ayaw ni mommy kasi di raw durable. kaya nung lumabas ang 3230 at nung nalaman kong medyo pareho sila ng features ng 6260, pwera nlang sa resolution, ito na yung naging bagong dream phone ko. pero kanina, nung sinabi ng dad ko na ok lang bumili nung 6260, parang torn between two lovers ako.
dami ko kasing nababasang negative comments tungkol dito sa 3230. may beeping sound daw pagnkasilent, yung keypad daw mahirap gamitin, wala daw cd kasama and worst, ang sama daw ng sound quality! eh main concern ko pa naman ang sound quality kasi mp3 at radio talaga ang habol ko sa phone eh. so parang nadidiscourage tuloy ako as fone nito. pero infairness, smart din tingnan yung 3230. at isa pa palang problema dito is hindi siya pwedeng palitan ng case. so pagnascratch siya, magiging ganun na talaga siya forever. although yung 6260 ganun din, atleast nakatago yung mainscreen nya kaya yung outer casing lang ang prone to scratches.
sa 6260 naman, wala akong masyadong naririnig na negative comments except nga na madali daw siyang masira kasi flip phone. pero lahat naman nung nagsabi, walang first hand experience. mga theories lang nila kasi nga may hinge kaya pag laging ginagamit, baka lumuwang yung hinge at masira yung phone. ganun iniisip nila. sa bagay, may point din naman sila pero baka hindi naman talaga ganun kafragile yung fone. so far, wala pa nman akong nakikilalang nasiraan ng 6260.
ang concern ko din is 3G kasi yung 3230, 3rd generation, so more advanced yung features kaya medyo nagdadalawang isip din ako dito sa 6260.
natatakot lang ako na baka magsisi ako sa bibilhin kong phone. i have 1 more week to decide and i still have no idea kung ano talaga gusto ko.
hahay...ang hirap pumili. nawawalan tuloy ako ng ganang bumili. hekhek. :)
set na sana yung mind ko kanina bout 3230, kaso, whe i showed him the latest issue of T3 magazine kung saan nkafeature yung 3230, nakita rin namin yung 6260. he told me na mas smart daw tingnan yung flip phones. sabi ko nman, yun talaga sana plano kong bilhin kaso ayaw pumayag ni mommy kasi madali raw masira yung may hinges. sabi niya naman, "madali ka naman magsawa e. by the time masira yan, nagsawa ka na for sure." may point rin siya.
kaya ngayon, nalilito na tuloy ako. before lumabas yung 3230, 6260 talaga dream phone ko kaso, ayaw ni mommy kasi di raw durable. kaya nung lumabas ang 3230 at nung nalaman kong medyo pareho sila ng features ng 6260, pwera nlang sa resolution, ito na yung naging bagong dream phone ko. pero kanina, nung sinabi ng dad ko na ok lang bumili nung 6260, parang torn between two lovers ako.
dami ko kasing nababasang negative comments tungkol dito sa 3230. may beeping sound daw pagnkasilent, yung keypad daw mahirap gamitin, wala daw cd kasama and worst, ang sama daw ng sound quality! eh main concern ko pa naman ang sound quality kasi mp3 at radio talaga ang habol ko sa phone eh. so parang nadidiscourage tuloy ako as fone nito. pero infairness, smart din tingnan yung 3230. at isa pa palang problema dito is hindi siya pwedeng palitan ng case. so pagnascratch siya, magiging ganun na talaga siya forever. although yung 6260 ganun din, atleast nakatago yung mainscreen nya kaya yung outer casing lang ang prone to scratches.
sa 6260 naman, wala akong masyadong naririnig na negative comments except nga na madali daw siyang masira kasi flip phone. pero lahat naman nung nagsabi, walang first hand experience. mga theories lang nila kasi nga may hinge kaya pag laging ginagamit, baka lumuwang yung hinge at masira yung phone. ganun iniisip nila. sa bagay, may point din naman sila pero baka hindi naman talaga ganun kafragile yung fone. so far, wala pa nman akong nakikilalang nasiraan ng 6260.
ang concern ko din is 3G kasi yung 3230, 3rd generation, so more advanced yung features kaya medyo nagdadalawang isip din ako dito sa 6260.
natatakot lang ako na baka magsisi ako sa bibilhin kong phone. i have 1 more week to decide and i still have no idea kung ano talaga gusto ko.
hahay...ang hirap pumili. nawawalan tuloy ako ng ganang bumili. hekhek. :)
Friday, July 15, 2005
duty duty duty
psychiatric ward is so fun.
eversince i set foot on that mental institution 3 years ago, i never stopped looking forward to the time when i'd finally get the chance to go on duty there. when i was in my freshman year, we had an excursion in our psychology class. what i saw there made me grateful ang fearful at the same time. grateful that i was blessed with good genes and sane mind. fearful because we'd never know when sanity would leave me. i might be born with a defective recessive gene and when i wake up tomorrow, something might trigger that defect and the next thing i know, i'd be seeing unicorns flying and mermaids swimming in my cup of coffee. yes, it does happen. and it can happen to anyone.
so now, 4th year nako, dun na kami sa psych ward magduduty. nung orientation day, di ako sigurado pero may kutob akong ako yung pinakaexcited saming lahat. yung iba kasi, medyo apprehensive pa kasi nga madali silang natataranta. ako naman, di na makahintay kasi gusto ko na ulit makabisita dun. medyo mahirap din kasing pumunta dun pag hindi school-related activity kasi malayo siya from the city. anyway, when we got there, the place looked pretty much the same. ganun pa rin yung set-up. may isolation A para sa mga worst cases, may isolation B para sa mga moderate cases, at may isolation C sa mga bagong dating at yung medyo tolerable lang. may male at female ward rin para sa mga malapit ng gumaling o para sa mga hindi malala ang sakit. i will show you pics of my experience pag natransfer ko na sa pc.
so yun, iba't ibang klase ang makikita mo dun. may iba dun na tahimik lang, parang depressed. may iba rin na tahimik, pero nakititig lagi sayo, parang may iniisip na gawin sayo, pero di naman sila nanggagalaw, so ok lang. may iba din na normal magsalita pero medyo far out yung sinasabi. yung iba, tawa lang ng tawa, yung iba nagsasalita ng mag isa. yung iba naman, inuulit lang lahat ng sinasabi mo.
interesting talaga silang kausap. di ka mageexpect na ganun ang mga sagot nila. tulad nung last week, we were talking with one patient, medyo matino yung mga sagot niya at first so kala namin ok na siya. he mentioned na teacher siya ng gymnastics. so kala namin yung gymnastics talaga. but then he mentioned na kasali siya sa isang special kung fu org na may 12 disciples. tapos tinuruan daw sila nung ibat ibang walks. duck walk, spider walk, cat walk at elephant walk. tapos may tumbling then fly daw. im not making fun of these people. im just amazed at how their minds work. yung patient naman namin, aware naman siya na may diperensya siya. he said, "baliw ako, kaya iba ang energy ko."
eversince i set foot on that mental institution 3 years ago, i never stopped looking forward to the time when i'd finally get the chance to go on duty there. when i was in my freshman year, we had an excursion in our psychology class. what i saw there made me grateful ang fearful at the same time. grateful that i was blessed with good genes and sane mind. fearful because we'd never know when sanity would leave me. i might be born with a defective recessive gene and when i wake up tomorrow, something might trigger that defect and the next thing i know, i'd be seeing unicorns flying and mermaids swimming in my cup of coffee. yes, it does happen. and it can happen to anyone.
so now, 4th year nako, dun na kami sa psych ward magduduty. nung orientation day, di ako sigurado pero may kutob akong ako yung pinakaexcited saming lahat. yung iba kasi, medyo apprehensive pa kasi nga madali silang natataranta. ako naman, di na makahintay kasi gusto ko na ulit makabisita dun. medyo mahirap din kasing pumunta dun pag hindi school-related activity kasi malayo siya from the city. anyway, when we got there, the place looked pretty much the same. ganun pa rin yung set-up. may isolation A para sa mga worst cases, may isolation B para sa mga moderate cases, at may isolation C sa mga bagong dating at yung medyo tolerable lang. may male at female ward rin para sa mga malapit ng gumaling o para sa mga hindi malala ang sakit. i will show you pics of my experience pag natransfer ko na sa pc.
so yun, iba't ibang klase ang makikita mo dun. may iba dun na tahimik lang, parang depressed. may iba rin na tahimik, pero nakititig lagi sayo, parang may iniisip na gawin sayo, pero di naman sila nanggagalaw, so ok lang. may iba din na normal magsalita pero medyo far out yung sinasabi. yung iba, tawa lang ng tawa, yung iba nagsasalita ng mag isa. yung iba naman, inuulit lang lahat ng sinasabi mo.
interesting talaga silang kausap. di ka mageexpect na ganun ang mga sagot nila. tulad nung last week, we were talking with one patient, medyo matino yung mga sagot niya at first so kala namin ok na siya. he mentioned na teacher siya ng gymnastics. so kala namin yung gymnastics talaga. but then he mentioned na kasali siya sa isang special kung fu org na may 12 disciples. tapos tinuruan daw sila nung ibat ibang walks. duck walk, spider walk, cat walk at elephant walk. tapos may tumbling then fly daw. im not making fun of these people. im just amazed at how their minds work. yung patient naman namin, aware naman siya na may diperensya siya. he said, "baliw ako, kaya iba ang energy ko."
Thursday, July 14, 2005
naisip ko lang
recently, a friend commented na masyado raw akong dedma na tao. di daw ako naaapektohan sa mga problema. di ko raw dinidibdib ang mga problema ko kahit gano raw kalaki. pag pinagalitan daw ako, di ko daw dinidibdib. yung friend ko kasi, konting problema lang, nababahala agad. konting sermon lang, umiiyak agad. bakit daw di ako ganun?
di nya lang alam.
this morning, tungkol sa stress and anxiety yung lecture namin. kasama dun ang different coping mechanisms. dun ko narealize na suppressive pala akong tao. people have told me about this in the past but i never took it seriously. i was either unconvinced or was just plain in denial. but today, it struck me. SUPPRESSIVE would be the perfect adjective for me. kaya pala hindi nakikita ng mga tao na problemado ako. kaya pala inaakala nilang happy-go-lucky ako. kaya palahindi pa nila ako nakikitang galit na galit o lungkot na lungkot o umiiyak. kaya pala hindi nila ako nakikitang umiiyak.
di ko alam kung kelan nagsimula ang pagkasuppressive ko. as far as i could remember, ive been like this since i was young. pag may problema ako, mas gusto kong manahimik at ayusin yun ng magisa. di kasi ako komportable kung may ibang taong nakakaalam sa problema ko. ayoko kasing makaabala ng iba. kung poproblemahin pa nila pati problema ko, e di mas dadami na problema nila. e hindi naman nila kagagawan yun, so bakit kailangan nilang magsuffer? di ba? pag nalulungkot din ako, di ko rin pinapaalam sa iba. baka kasi isipin nila na mababaw akong tao. paranoid na kung paranoid pero ganun talaga ako. hanggang ngayon. sa mata ng mga tao, manhid ako. di ako naapektohan sa mga simpleng bagay. ang di nila alam, mababaw ako. ang dali kong madepressed. di ko lang pinapakita kasi ayoko ng gulo. pag pinapagalitan naman ako, di ko to masyadong iniisip. lalo na kung hindi naman talaga totoo ang ikinagagalit nila. bat ko poproblemahin e hindi naman totoo? basta't alam kong wala akong ginawang masama, binabaliwala ko nalang minsan yang mga sermon na yan. pero kung may kasalanan talaga ako, pinagiisipan ko rin. may konsensya rin ako noh.
tata! :)
di nya lang alam.
this morning, tungkol sa stress and anxiety yung lecture namin. kasama dun ang different coping mechanisms. dun ko narealize na suppressive pala akong tao. people have told me about this in the past but i never took it seriously. i was either unconvinced or was just plain in denial. but today, it struck me. SUPPRESSIVE would be the perfect adjective for me. kaya pala hindi nakikita ng mga tao na problemado ako. kaya pala inaakala nilang happy-go-lucky ako. kaya palahindi pa nila ako nakikitang galit na galit o lungkot na lungkot o umiiyak. kaya pala hindi nila ako nakikitang umiiyak.
di ko alam kung kelan nagsimula ang pagkasuppressive ko. as far as i could remember, ive been like this since i was young. pag may problema ako, mas gusto kong manahimik at ayusin yun ng magisa. di kasi ako komportable kung may ibang taong nakakaalam sa problema ko. ayoko kasing makaabala ng iba. kung poproblemahin pa nila pati problema ko, e di mas dadami na problema nila. e hindi naman nila kagagawan yun, so bakit kailangan nilang magsuffer? di ba? pag nalulungkot din ako, di ko rin pinapaalam sa iba. baka kasi isipin nila na mababaw akong tao. paranoid na kung paranoid pero ganun talaga ako. hanggang ngayon. sa mata ng mga tao, manhid ako. di ako naapektohan sa mga simpleng bagay. ang di nila alam, mababaw ako. ang dali kong madepressed. di ko lang pinapakita kasi ayoko ng gulo. pag pinapagalitan naman ako, di ko to masyadong iniisip. lalo na kung hindi naman talaga totoo ang ikinagagalit nila. bat ko poproblemahin e hindi naman totoo? basta't alam kong wala akong ginawang masama, binabaliwala ko nalang minsan yang mga sermon na yan. pero kung may kasalanan talaga ako, pinagiisipan ko rin. may konsensya rin ako noh.
tata! :)
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